Oddly Glum

I’m not entirely sure why. I was very sick a couple of weeks ago and I’m not entirely over it. I still have a tight feeling in my chest.

I wrote about giving a man my phone number, and he never called, so there’s that. When I asked if he wanted it, he seemed happy in a way that’s hard to fake, so, although I usually try to take such things in my stride, I did expect that he would call. I’ve actually stopped dating because dating has mainly moved on-line. I have much better luck with men in person than online. I suspect I appear better in person than I do on paper. There’s also something I call the R. Mutt theory of life, but that probably deserves its own post.

I have a strange lack of concentration at the moment. There are a couple of books sitting on my coffee table, but five minutes at a stretch seems to be all I can give them before getting antsy.

Another possibility is a sudden cessation of activity and company. Normally, I spend lots of time alone and am fairly used to it. However, the past two months have been odd since I took the trip to China and the trip to California, which was to attend a convention-type thing for a week. Therefore, until a few days ago, I was a very busy person, doing lots of things, mostly with other people around. Usually, I pride myself on never being bored. I wonder if this odd feeling is boredom?

Finally, there’s the weather. We’re having a heat wave, which is predicted to continue until nearly the end of the month. I hate heat. A heat wave like this is the equivalent of a month of rainy days or freezing cold. In a way, it’s worse because I’ve been keeping the blinds drawn to block out the sun and I feel like I’m in a cave. I’m getting a little stir crazy and there’s no relief in sight. Making things worse, the temperature doesn’t drop much at night.

It’s all pretty petty stuff, but I’ve been feeling this for a few days now, so I thought I try writing it down to see if it helps.

In a little bit, once the sun is fully up, I’ll go take a jog or a walk. If I want to get out, this will be the coolest it will be all day, although the humidity is 68%.

I know this is all a lot of whining. Except for the tightness in my chest, all of these are problems in my own mind. I feel like I’ve been trying to solve the loneliness problem for about four or five years now. It doesn’t get worse, but it doesn’t get better either. I was able to temporarily alleviate it for a week, but now it feels like it’s come back even worse.


  1. A walk should do you good and get well quick

    • fojap said:

      It’s so humid, even though it wasn’t so hot, I came home and my shirt was soaking wet like I’d been caught in the rain.

      • I find hot and humid areas very uncomfortable.

      • fojap said:

        The humidity is supposed to break tomorrow, but it will still be warm. One big difference humidity makes is that when it’s humid it doesn’t cool down at night. Right now, my apartment is hot even though it’s not yet 9 am. Everything here is built of brick and concrete, so it warms up over a few days. One day of heat and it’s still cool inside. A week and you’re living inside a brick oven. I might go visit my sister or my mother. They have the same climate, but they don’t live in concrete jungles like I do. Also, they have central air.

      • Here on the other hand, the house gets so cold and because the designer didn’t take environmental issues into consideration, nights are very cold but survivable once one is in a big blanket

      • fojap said:

      • something close to that

  2. Charity said:

    I hope you’re feeling better, fojap. I was thinking about you today. I see the heat wave is continuing for the Northeast. I hope you’ve found some cool comfort somewhere. Enjoy the rest of your summer.

    • fojap said:

      Thank you so much for asking. The heat drove me away from home for a few days. I finally broke down and bought an air conditioner.

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